563mph..(approximately)

So 6 hours ago I was in Jamacia..now I think I’m somewhere over the Atlantic, in an aluminium tube rocketing through the sky at over 500mph.
I have watched something with Michael Douglas in it, Gravity (Can never go wrong with Sandra Bullock) and now I am about half way through St Vincent starring Bill Murray, all without sound. I have headphones, I just refuse to give the wrinkly old bag sitting next to me a reason to talk to me after I ask to squeeze past to get my bag out of the over head locker.

It’s 2:53am back home..although that being said my body is still in the western Pacific time zone anyway. I have tried to sleep from the moment I stepped foot on to this plane. However I’ve never been one for sleeping in tight spaces, much like my pals Joey and Chandler I need the room. To add to my ever increasing discomfort the wrinkly old bag next to me continuously wrestles me for control of MY ARM REST!!! The tattooed up English lesbian behind (kind of woman you would see working in an English chippy with a 2009 PiNK haircut..you know the type) me keeps tugging on the back of my seat every 20 minutes so she can stand up and stretch her annoying little midget legs..

[Of topic the lady next to me might have just died because she is slumped forward.]

All rounded of with the low frequency grumble of a catatonic drunken male snoring three seats back.

If my calculations are correct I should be landing in about 4 hours..which will be when this post goes up because there is NO WIFI on British international flights..

To finish this sweet little post of I shall leave you with an observation…
Anyone who has ever owned a pet bird, or birds, will know that when ever you want them to go to sleep you put a sheet over their cage to simulate night time. Before long the bird goes quiet and snoozes off to sleepy land..

It turns out when you put 200 boisterous Brits in to an Aluminium tube, fire them across the sky at 563mph (give or take) and turn of the cabin lights everyone shuts the fuck up and falls asleep..just like dumb budgies.